Just sitting around listening to a little toad the wet sproket. Dulcinea. We watched Canadian Idol and were talking about why the girl who got the most votes was so good, and I thought about how its easy to underestimate the power of sadness to connect and make an audience, the public, feel love. No idol performance i’ve seen yet has really been so blindingly sad shivery so you forget you’re watching the franchise and the ben mulrooney and the sass jordan. “I can’t make you love me” performed by Amber Fleury kind of was last night; and tonight, with this sudden burst of confidence she got from the judges’ gushing love, it really was. it made us want to listen to sad songs.
Amber was so stirring, we thought, because it seemed as though you could feel a lifetime of struggling to be of worth in the world and in her own eyes, and she told the lyrics of the song as though she simply in the moment understood them. And because her voice was flawless, opening deep wells, we wanted to tell her she was wrong: we also felt the power. She has what comes before and after confidence i think- the pain of seeking a self. And she could keep telling that story again and again and we would let it lull us. I wonder if she will.

Speaking of Candian Idol. I love it. I love a lot of reality tv, and I love the singing ones the most. I love how they figure out that the competition is really only with themselves. I love all the interesting, heart breaking and puzzling ways in which they manage to connect somehow less than someone else and get left behind for an unimaginable whole life. I love how they have to understand who is voting for them, and to speak to those people all while trying to do their best by their own standards. And I love the feeling of lucky tv moment surprise when something is stunningly good.